Porsche Panameras are like the Camrys of rich people

"Takuro Spirit" (takurospirit) 01/23/2014 at 10:46 • Filed to: porsche, panamera, dashcam, dash cam, license plate, beige

14

100

I remember back in the day spotting a Porsche on the road was to be celebrated. A slack jaw, some drool, that pang of jealousy... the odd erection or two.

Now I see them all the time. But not the kinds of Porsches that garner the above actions. Panameras. Cayennes. More Panameras.

For the love of all that's holy, I was between TWO Panameras at a stoplight today. In sub-zero temperatures. With fresh snow blowing across the roads. In my beater Camry.

I was behind the black one for quite awhile, then a tan one that I could not capture on my dashcam snuck up behind us at a light, and got into the left turn lane as the black one was on my right. I was in a Panamera sandwich. (Is there a German equivalent of a sandwich? DAS HOAGIE? I dunno)

Don't you people have winter beaters?

*sees "Panamaera 4" badge*

Oh.

Well it's still not fair.

I want to see REAL Porsches. 911s. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Boxsters. Even the off 924/944/928/914 would be appreciated more than these bloated hunks of normality.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Seriously. Two, in one day, AT THE SAME INTERSECTION?

Funny license plate though.

spanfucker retire bitch > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 10:50

0

Aren't all Panameras AWD? Even the Turbo S - top of the line - Panameras have AWD by default. Or is the Panamera 4 simply the first trim level with AWD?

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 10:50

2

Well, i think i've seen much more cayenne than a panamera in my place. But i'm better seeing cayennes than a panamera tough.

Takuro Spirit > spanfucker retire bitch 01/23/2014 at 10:51

8

Are they? I can't be bothered to research it. I may doze off.

RacecaR > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 10:56

23

I don't care what anyone says, I like the (looks) of the Panamera.

DatBomb > RacecaR 01/23/2014 at 11:02

0

Panamera Turbo that is

SwimBikeRun > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:02

0

The title of this article is especially true in LA/Orange County. All the people who used to ride around in Escalades with 20" rims now just have Panameras to cruise around in.

Straightsix9904 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:03

1

Down where I vacation in FL, I see more Panameras than anything. That is no exaggeration. I was on "the strip" and there were 5 in row lined up out side some shops. It looked like a dealership.

hatbob > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:03

1

If Porsche didn't want to make Panamaeras they shouldn't have tried to buy VW. Now they are just a massive profit center. All hail VW.

TractionControlOff > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:03

1

Panamera's are a dime a dozen in North Jersey. I don't even look twice when I see those exotic-looking headlights coming towards me anymore. It's far more common than a Rapide and still more common than the Quattroporte around here. I find it more amusing when I talk to someone who makes a big deal out of seeing a Panamera.

The Troof > spanfucker retire bitch 01/23/2014 at 11:04

0

Only the 4, 4S, Turbo, and Turbo S are AWD. The regular Panamera and the S are RWD.

PresidentAndrewJackson > spanfucker retire bitch 01/23/2014 at 11:04

0

Nope. Some models are RWD.

Ratchet when he's all hopped up on synthetic energon > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:04

1

I don't think I've ever heard anyone who's actually driven a Panamera complain about it. Porsche must be doing something right.

CalzoneGolem > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:04

23

I think the Panamera is beautiful. I'd totally DD one if I had the cash flow.

fintail > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:06

1

They are Camrys in a way - befitting the upward consolidation of wealth in a burgeoning oligocracy.

Everywhere in the eastside Seattle suburbs too, along with obnoxiously driven Cayennes

JR1 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:06

7

You're making other people be in pain by making us look at this atrocious car!

Seitz > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:07

11

The Panamera is still a badass machine, they've all got some serious muscle to them.

same can't be said for the Cayenne or whatever that new crossover they're making is.

RaceVet > spanfucker retire bitch 01/23/2014 at 11:07

0

No not all are AWD. The base Panamera, S, and S E-Hybrid are rear wheel drive

Money Hustard > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:07

0

What do you use for a dashcam Takuro Spirit? I went looking for one a little while back and couldn't find a damn thing that looked worth buying.

HarryMosher > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:07

0

Cant think of a day where I didnt come across a Panamera. I see more Panameras than any other Porsche model.

someone-guy-from-berlin > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:07

0

Here in Germany you'd probably call it 'Stulle' [Shtoolleh]

The New Garage > spanfucker retire bitch 01/23/2014 at 11:08

0

Turbo's are AWD, as are 4's (Panny 4, Panny 4S) and GTS.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Seitz 01/23/2014 at 11:08

1

This.

someone-guy-from-berlin > someone-guy-from-berlin 01/23/2014 at 11:09

0

CO-OCD > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:09

0

I think they are hideous and unnecessary. But, I witnessed one in a race with a JDM spec built STI and it absolutely walked on it. I then appreciated the Panamera more.

burglar can't heart click anything > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:10

17

While not the sexiest vehicle on the road, the Panamera is a real performance car and a triumph of engineering. Just don't look directly at it.

cdydatzigs > fintail 01/23/2014 at 11:10

1

"...befitting the upward consolidation of wealth in a burgeoning oligocracy."

You typed this and you're from Seattle? NO WAAAAY.

ChrisFu > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 01/23/2014 at 11:11

0

But you can buy a Cayenne with a manual

jacknifetoaswan > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:11

0

I live in Mount Pleasant, SC, the next town north of Charleston, and see Panameras everywhere. I mean, everywhere. I saw Darius Rucker driving one a couple months ago (he and Bill Murray live in my town).

My wife knows that any time I see one, I'm going to say that people that want to look rich and sporty get a Panamera, people that know style buy an Aston Martin Rapide.

pandesal > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:11

0

"Porsche Panameras are like the Camrys of rich people"

That is an exceptional observation!

albeee > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:11

0

Technically, you it wouldn't be a Panamera sandwich-that would be the car equivalent of calling it a bread sandwich. ;)

BJDonnellan > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:13

0

Panamera sandwich? FALSE! A Panamera sandwich would be a Panamera between two camrys***

XJguy > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:13

0

As far as the rarity of seeing an exotic car nowadays...thats over. I see a Lamborghini Maserati, Rolls, Bentley, nearly every week, sometimes every day. They no longer are these once in a lifetime seen, out in the wild, things.

Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:13

0

Great car, ugly rear end. I see at least one per day or can guarantee myself I am in the vicinity of one without seeing it

timateo81 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:14

4

Why suddenly are people criticized for buying cars that fit their needs? Or for Porsche to sell cars people want to buy? I think the notion that Porsche selling sedans and SUVs will ultimately lead to the dilution of the brand is nonsense. Even the most guilty party to this prejudice - Toyota - has proven that there is a cycle to product dilution. The Celica/Supra died only in spirit, and the wildly successful Camry couldn't hold back the sport compact segment forever.

So yeah, I don't mind the Panamera.

wildnotmild > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:14

0

Yes, Panameras are indeed everywhere. So are Cayennes, which seem to be more common than their Touareg twins.

David E. Davis > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:14

2

Does he have bladder stones?

GTRB26 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:14

0

yeah oddly I've noticed a lot of them too with older women driving them. There is nothing wrong with women driving them, but I think it has become more of a status symbol car than actual performance car. Because there are so many MBs, BMWs and Lexi out there, people are buying Panamera just to be different. This is sad because it's a very capable car.

MonkeePuzzle > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:14

2

is that "you're in pain" or "urine pain" ? urologist perhaps?

300hp30mpgrwdfor30k > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:15

7

bradledy > Seitz 01/23/2014 at 11:15

1

Totally...if I was looking for a daily driver and I had the money the Panamera would be near the top of my list. If only manual...

Kate's Dirty Sister > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:16

19

The Panamera is a totally awesome car, and I see absolutely no reason why someone shouldn't be driving one during winter.

I don't really understand the Camry comparison, weaksauce, it takes balls to buy a car considered ugly by a majority of people.

Atomic Buffalo > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:16

1

In the SF Bay Area this role is filled by the Tesla Model S.

jacknifetoaswan > Ratchet when he's all hopped up on synthetic energon 01/23/2014 at 11:16

0

That's because most of the people that drive Panameras wouldn't know the difference between a good Porsche and a bad Porsche, and the only opinion they have on the PDK is that - "Wait? It's not an automatic?"

Major_Error > CO-OCD 01/23/2014 at 11:16

0

But you still have to look at them. Someone in the office next door has a white one, and every time I see it drive past, I'm reminded of this:

Johnnyma45 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:16

0

I kinda feel the same about all Porsches. They all look so derivative and "same" and even though as a Jalop I can appreciate them for what they are, I don't bat an eye when I see one because they're everywhere.

bradledy > RacecaR 01/23/2014 at 11:16

0

yes! and from what I hear the bubble on the back is not for aesthetics but so there is lots of head room for taller folks sitting in the back. The 5 series GT is un-functional ugly.

ThatbastardKurtis > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:17

0

All I know is with all the money they are making on Panameras and soon the Macan, there better be a Panamera Coupe aka 928 to go up against the Ferrari F12, Aston Martin Vanquish (every Gawd damn Aston starts with a V), and Bentley Continental GT.

Oh, and the FeFi (supposedly Porsche 960).

Maxxuman > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:17

0

If that was today I think you need to change the date on your dashcam...

bbutle01 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:17

0

I live in Nashville. The only cars we so more of here are Armada's and Murano's because Nissan is here. Panamera's are everywhere here.

Stef Schrader > burglar can't heart click anything 01/23/2014 at 11:18

7

It needs a paper bag over its butt. Badly.

David Ruddock > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:19

0

LA resident here - can confirm that the Panamera is the Sports Sedan du jour for the well-to-do crowd. The 911 still has a big presence, but yeah, the Panamera really is the beigemobile of the upper tax brackets.

That said, Tesla is quickly changing that landscape, and as long as they keep making money, I'm pretty sure most of the Panameras around here will be getting swapped for Model S's in the next couple of years.

bradledy > TractionControlOff 01/23/2014 at 11:19

0

I'm in morris county and I only gawk when I see a GTS or Turbo S

GV_Goat > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:21

5

It's all relative man. It's like when I buy energizer batteries instead of generic brand batteries. It really has no impact on my financial situation which batteries I buy so I might as well get the good (perceived) ones.

If it makes NO impact to your finances, which do you choose? A Panamera 4s, a Taurus SHO, an AWD E class a Maserati Quattroporte S Q4? A beater Camry!?!

No, no, no, you choose the Maserati if you're an attention hound or the Panamera if you're an attention hound. You choose an E550 4motion if you're an understated attention hound. But seriously, they are all better than the Ford or the Honda or the Toyota or the Subaru and fucking obviously on another planet from any Chevy.

Kickplate > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:22

0

Hmmm, I wish Camry drivers would be more like Panamera drivers. Then they wouldn't sit in the fast lane alongside the car in the right lane. It's generally a Camry or Corolla that does this, amirite?

xtrappedunderricex > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:22

0

i guess it just depends where you live. the town/county i'm in is pretty affluent (no humblebrag...i live in a small co-op there). paneramas are like camry's for the rich there. the nice thing about being there is you get to see some exotics—a fair share of maserati's, ferrari's, porsche's and the obligatory bimmers and mercs. but it's also depressing knowing how out of reach those cars are to me. so instead i stare at the mazdaspeed3 i see every morning on the street. hey, i can afford you one day!!

Gamecat235 > burglar can't heart click anything 01/23/2014 at 11:22

6

You can't see it when you're in it.

(was that another urine joke? I can't tell anymore).

uziy16 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:22

0

and that...is why I am installing a rear-facing dash-cam as well.

gla2yyz > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:23

0

I followed two Cayenne's into my office parking garage today in my loaner Malibu (my Cobalt is in the shop). The older one was behind the newer one and I could almost hear the driver of the older one whining that he wants the newerrrr onnnnne. My garage is filled with Cayenne's Q7s and 328is while I schlep to and from in a Chevy. Not sure what I'm doing wrong...

M54B30 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:23

0

It's similar to a Camry in the sense that I react the same - I throw up a little in my mouth and thank every deity I know that it's not me driving it. At least a Camry has a good price point going for it

Victorious Secret > Gamecat235 01/23/2014 at 11:24

2

Of course your can't see it when you're in it, right up until you pass a glass building and the ugly reflection causes you to crash the thing and end your misery.

mcseanerson > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:24

0

I love this title, seriously made me crack up. I used to work at a big bank, rhymes with mace, and like half the higher ups drove these. That or A7s.

tobythesandwich > Seitz 01/23/2014 at 11:25

0

You do know the Cayenne can still be made stupid fast too, right? And the first generation was awesome as it was stock with all the delicious off roading gear.

You can't say the Panamera is a badass machine and neglect the Cayenne and Cajun which can also be pedestrian or crazy fast.

ILoveMyWRX > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:25

0

I'm guessing it must belong to a doctor or maybe even an injury lawyer.

mad.anthony > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:26

0

Here in Baltimore, Range Rovers are the Camry of the rich people.

I'd still buy one if I could afford it.

AdmiralAkbar > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:26

0

King of station wagons.

kenhitch > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:26

0

Come on, I can't be the only one who likes the Panamera.

StevenG > timateo81 01/23/2014 at 11:27

1

Suddenly?
This is not a new thing. Celica/Supra died only in spirit. They are dead. the FRS is something different and neat, but not a Supra.

kenhitch > CalzoneGolem 01/23/2014 at 11:27

3

Me too! Either that or a Rapide.

StevenG > GV_Goat 01/23/2014 at 11:28

0

Define better, many of these cars are less reliable than a Honda or even these days a Ford. No matter the cost, a car should never leave you walking.

Mailbox Cancer > burglar can't heart click anything 01/23/2014 at 11:28

5

I may be the only person on Jalopnik that actually really, really, really likes the look of this car. Also, the wife I love and provide for is a horse. /s

dsoth > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:29

1

Having spent a few weeks in Abu Dhabi in December, I can verify that Panameras are, in fact, the rich peoples' Camry. No exaggeration, I saw at least 50 of these per day.

55_mercury > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:29

0

Around here most any European luxury car might as well be Camrys because it would seem that practically every recent MBA grad will get their own postage-stamp 3 series to drive down the freeway with the rest of the sea of 3 series.

Dunno... I make a pretty good income but to me blowing 90-100k on a car like the Panamera is a big waste of money.

Riley Schultz > Stef Schrader 01/23/2014 at 11:29

0

Just think of it as a wagon, not a sedan, and it looks much better,

Gamecat235 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:31

3

Yesterday, I defended the Cayenne as a legit Porsche endeavor, and I used the Panamera as the anchor of my position. So I shall now continue down that path and semi-paraphrase myself.

I don't know that one can separate the Panamera from the Cayenne. And if we try to, we get to travel down a slippery slope by allowing the Panamera as a "real" Porsche but not the Cayenne. And then we can talk about the 924/928/944/968 and really get off in the weeds. And then we can talk about front engined, mid engined and rear engined variations, driven wheels, engine cooling methods...

And finally, I can make a rather compelling argument that the Cayman is the most pure Porsche model released since they gave up air cooling. I suppose my point is, that we all have opinions, but ultimately, the car company decides who they are. Even when they get it wrong, it still defines them. But, IMHO, Porsche hasn't missed the mark in a very long time.

UKGTR335 > Kate's Dirty Sister 01/23/2014 at 11:31

11

Is that why Azteks were built with a lot of cargo room? So the owners could fit their huge balls in?

dapper_otter > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:31

0

Despite the ugly I believe that I'd be very happy with a Panamera as a daily driver once they've completely tanked in value 5 years from now.

CalzoneGolem > kenhitch 01/23/2014 at 11:32

1

Another excellent choice.

chrisbattle > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:32

0

There is absolutely nothing odd about an erection when staring at the correct specimen

Stef Schrader > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:32

4

I kind of like the Cayenne. I could tow my Porsche with a Porsche. AWWWW YEEEEEAAAAHHH.

After talking to someone re: tow loads for racecars, I'm not sure the Macan can do the same. 4200 lbs of tow capacity or so seems decent until you add in all the weight of the trailer, passengers, spares and other crap. It'd be cutting it reeeeeal close, which means that'd probably be a semi-miserable slow tow. Dang it. My opinion's out on this one until they send it to Dakar or something. Then it shall be worthy.

The Panamera, though? I've seen a couple hooned, but:

1. Can't tow enough

2. Hideous. I mean, the kind of hideous that's worse than that lady who's addicted to plastic surgery and accidentally made herself into a horse with mumps kind of hideous.

3. Hasn't been tossed into any bonkers racing series (that I know of yet).

So, why does it exist? And why didn't they put a much more attractive wagon hatch on the back? There's no need for a misplaced hunchback with no engine back there.

Here's how I'd fix the Hunchback of Porsche Dame. Redesign the butt; the front's not bad looking. Toss a more attractive greenhouse on the back with more functional space, thus creating a sweet little wagon. Then race it. That's right, GO OUT-VOLVO VOLVO.

Overdog > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:32

0

This is a funny discussion because if you look at the US sales numbers:

2011: 6000

2012: 7000

2013: ~7000, probably less.

Compare that to a Telsa Model S, which sold close to 20k in one year. If you are seeing them 'everywhere', it shows you the value of a dealer network, because they are actually a relatively rare car.

hcabral > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:33

0

Maybe Miami is not the best benchmark, but Panameras here are a dime a dozen. That's the negative thing about Miami and cars: yes, you can see Bugattis, lotsa Ferraris, McLarens, new Aston Martins on the road; but the city manages to make cool cars like the BMW 335i coupe just another black dot on the road, just out of pure banality that they've became around here.

burglar can't heart click anything > Victorious Secret 01/23/2014 at 11:33

1

Simply chop 2 doors and about a foot out of the middle and it would be one of the prettiest cars on the road.

Victorious Secret > burglar can't heart click anything 01/23/2014 at 11:34

0

You've just designed the new 911. Well done.

Ratchet when he's all hopped up on synthetic energon > jacknifetoaswan 01/23/2014 at 11:34

0

Matt Farah and Mike Musto both seemed to like them.

burglar can't heart click anything > Victorious Secret 01/23/2014 at 11:36

2

The new 119. This one is going backwards.

Kate's Dirty Sister > UKGTR335 01/23/2014 at 11:36

8

Exactly.

Except the Aztec was a true POS while the Panamera is an oustanding vehicle.

I personally think it looks great.

If I had the money, I would buy a Panamera, winter drive it and carry my enormous balls around in its big ass trunk.

Victorious Secret > burglar can't heart click anything 01/23/2014 at 11:38

0

The engine is the back again, isn't it?

THunD3RCI_INT > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:41

0

Its even worse on Highway 1 in Canada between Calgary and Banff, there's literally between hundreds and thousands of porsche cayennes, panameras, Audi Q7, and don't get me started on all the Big Mexican Women, the amount of 330i's on that highway would make you think you were in San Fransisco watching all the Prii go by.

Chris Clarke > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:44

0

I just wanted to comment on how fantastic this observation is. Good job sir.

thisusernameforsale > Kate's Dirty Sister 01/23/2014 at 11:45

0

How do you get them around now?

Captain_Spadaro > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:46

0

In Naperville, IL, the default expendable income car of choice seems to be a Panamera, Cayenne, some sort of Bimmer or Benz SUV, or sedan from those brands.

GV_Goat > StevenG 01/23/2014 at 11:46

0

You're absolutely right, I'm speaking about consumer perception. They are better in many aspects, but definitely not always in terms of reliability and / or durability.

Stef Schrader > Riley Schultz 01/23/2014 at 11:46

0

Then it's proof that wagons can be ugly, and makes me even sadder that VAG didn't just send over the RS4/RS6 Avants and called it a day. No, sir, I don't like it.

jalop1991 > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:47

0

Spoken like someone who hasn't even tried to imagine having enough money that the well-outfitted Panamera is, financially speaking, the same thing as his buying a beater Camry.

You know, it's time for the kids of the world to stop thinking that the entire world revolves around them and their personal experiences. To recognize that it's a HUGE world out there, with people being in positions that you can't even begin to imagine. And to realize that when you try to make fun of those people based on your tiny tiny slice of life experience, the only one who comes out being laughed at is YOU.

CaptainWompus > Straightsix9904 01/23/2014 at 11:47

0

Plot Twist: It *was* a dealership.

StevenG > GV_Goat 01/23/2014 at 11:53

0

Which only if you view cars as solely a method of conspicuous consumption, then yes that should be what you buy. If I was a billionaire I would buy those cars for track days, but for a DD I want something that will not be in the shop all the damn time.

Soloburrito > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:54

0

Winter beater? These are probably just leased.

Takuro Spirit > MonkeePuzzle 01/23/2014 at 11:54

0

It's a B. "Why be in pain?"

He peeled off near the "Pain Management Center" aaaannnnnd now I've said too much.

Detroit Velvet Smooth > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:56

0

Besides being ugly. They are the farthest thing from a Camry..

rad_mike > Takuro Spirit 01/23/2014 at 11:57

0

I think this is a great Oppo post, but not a great FP post. I feel like Takuro wrote it for laughs (in part), but by putting it on the FP people will take it too seriously...at least I did, at first.